Reflections

6-12-2009 {more old stuff :P}

Reflections


I struggle still, with God's love.
with anyone's love..

I know my family loves me.. I know He loves me.
Yet still I feel alone.

How can I say I do not love me, when He does.
Why do I not see beauty in His own creation.

Surely the animals I see.. that I find soo amazing and beautiful.. they do not stand before the water's edge and scorn the stripes on their fur, or the length of their tails.
Why must I?

Why do I look at one of His creations and feel such great love and adoration.. yet all joy fades when I behold his most cherished creation. me.
Why do I weep when someone makes the slightest display of love to me.

So consumed by sadness.. so broken inside and out.

Such a wretched and miserable child of His I am. Crying over petty feelings and physical complaints when he has done so much for me.

There is no answer to my questions. No cure to my faults.
I am as I have always been. Shattered.

Unable to recognize the face I see in the mirror. Wishing the reflection I once saw would return. But who am I kidding? I always hated that reflection....

Breaking Waves Upon the Shore

09-01-2009

Breaking Waves Upon the Shore

Forgive me O' Lord
For I have forsaken You.

I blamed You for my troubles
And did not thank You for my blessings.

You tried to raise me up like a
father would raise his daughter.

Yet I turned from Your hand with resentment.

My heart has grown cold and bitter
Towards Your love.

Now how can this child honor
the Father she did forsake?

How will my Lord hear my praises to His name?

I pray now to you, Lord
Cleanse my heart of this poison.

Allow me to once more know Your love
So that others will know You from the warmth of my heart.

Use your servant, Lord.

I turned from You in my despair
When my blessings vanished.

Now I am naked. Struck down with nothing.
And now I see Your faithfulness.

Woeful creature, that I am.
That I could not see Your hand was guiding me all along.

You gave me a gift and I rejected You for it.
Tried to lead me with Your hands and I slapped them away.

Wretched pride consumes me. I thought I needed no one.
Yet now I see I am nothing without You.

Let this past fade, though may I always remember the grief I faced,
lest I stray from you again.

I ask you, Lord. Use me for Your works.

Let Your will guide my hand.
As Your hands guide my will.

Amen.

Sands of Time

{Another re-post. Date unknown. Sometime in '09}

Sands of Time

I feel you near me
My soul in such peace

I prayed for so long
I now have release

I see now where I went wrong
I walked down the path where I did not belong

With such perfection, you crafted my heart
And all my flaws set me apart

My body had to die
Before I could see

You have something
greater in mind for me

Losing my health
was so very hard to do

I didn't have all
my faith in you

I accept now; that I'm ill with a cause
Use my gifts, despite all my flaws

Let me worship you, Lord
Hear me rejoice

Let everything I do
Be for the glory of you

So everyone will see
That you live in me

Without you, I've no reason to live
But now all I have is to give

Thanks for your blessings
And your mercy complete

Let your light shine upon all I meet

Hourglass

{An old poem of mine, re-blogged so I have a copy saved. Not sure of the original date. sometime in '08}

Hourglass

When will this pain end
I am my only friend

I cry out and plea
But no one hears me

I'm resigned to my fate
To be patient and wait

How much of my life must I spend
Simply waiting to mend

Though my sins are washed away
My scars still bleed today

Crushed beyond repair
I can hardly tell it's there

My soul shall never be free
Suffocated within me

The chains that bind me here
Are too powerful, I fear

To let me again see
The beauty in me

What more can I give you
What must you see

Before I can have the life
That you promised me

Living so worthless; this is not what you meant
Yet here I still sit; tired and spent

If my future in you has me in wheels
Then put me there and change the gears

I don't know where to go
And I've cried out so long

My ears ache in the silence
Where do I belong

I have waited for guidance
Waited so long

All my decisions now look to be wrong


Please here my cry Lord, Oh in such despair.
I am waiting for your hand, Lord.
Please take me there.