Wandering Thoughts

Just random scribblings on the drive/arrival home after my trip to Mayo.




I've just returned from my trip to the Mayo Clinic, a wonderfully exhausting experience. I've been strapped and scanned, poked, pricked, prodded and bled. Electrocuted and 'burned' and thoroughly examined from head to toe. In two days time, I'm so physically and mentally drained. I feel as if I've been swimming in water the whole time. Headaches plague me in my fatigue and I long for sleep. Less than an hour from home in our nearly four hour drive. I'm so looking forward to seeing Nina again. I know she and Oreo will be pleased to see me. They are the charger for my heart and it is seriously depleted. My body is so tired and spent it can barely process any input.

I don't want to talk or listen, see nor hear. I long for the void, where nothing can reach me. I pray the abyss finds me tonight and I can rest. Truly, deeply rest. "There's no place like home." I almost weep at the thought. Libertad.Be Free.







Though my faith in the medical community has not been restored yet; there is still the glimmer of hope. I'm not hoping for a cure or miracle change. But if any improvement can be made on the symptoms I struggle with on a daily basis, it'll be a blessing.

I hide my pain well, too well sometimes.. Those closest to me rarely know what's wrong, other than I'm in bed and 'don't feel well'. My friends and social acquaintances simply know 'something' is wrong.

I can say, in all honesty, to those who have or would inquire; it's not that I don't want to share or open a deeper relationship. Simply, I feel I'm a burden to everyone who knows me closely.

Alot of which stems from my horrible self-esteem. "I'm not worth your trouble." Which may be true! I don't go out, my bed is my hangout. And who wants to sit in a room with a girl and her dog who won't stop licking you the whole time? But, hey, I deal with it. And to those friends who stick around, you rock!

Huge thanks to my mom and dad for toughing out the trip to the Clinic. Just knowing they were waiting outside of the exam room made the ordeal that much more bearable.

More than one occasion when the pain of the test was severe, I found myself spamming bible verse quotes in my head.

Thank you Lord, for the peace You gave me and the strength to endure all the tests.

Now it's time to sleep a few days and recover...

Oyasumi nasai.
Good Night.