Edge of Ruin

I walk a narrow line
On the edge of ruin in my mind

I see them in their 9 to 5
Punch the clock, the endless grind

I had a chance before. I blew it, I know
I took all the gifts you gave me. And claimed them as my own

Is it wrong to want more, when you've nothing in your hands?
Should I grow content as I am, and make no future plans?

Why can't I be whole again? I've asked so many times..
Surely there is something for me, that you have in mind.

Is there a lesson I'm missing? Some plan I cannot see.
I'm horrible at waiting. But waiting is all you've left for me.

I know I sound bitter, but please don't confuse.
It's the guilt of my illness and those I must use.

I should be happy, that so many care.
Instead I am sad, for the burden they bear.

Maybe it's just pride? Am I selfish to the bone?
Is it so horribly wrong to want to stand on my own?

Sickness chains me to the bed.
While poison coats the thoughts in my head.

Daily battle fought, and never won.
Has crippled my heart, my soul is undone.

The pain is so strong inside.
But it's something I'll always hide.

I don't fear the day you call me home.
I'll know then I didn't suffer alone.

My mask so pristine, feigned so clear.
No one will ever know, what goes on in here.

The pain will come again, I know.
Violently in the dark.

It will consume my soul.
And ceased will; my heart.


Edge of Ruin
Nov 4, 2009